The beating of my heart

The government’s order on restricted movement has brought many a Malaysian into self isolation, and aloness that feels forced upon you, like a punishment. Yet during such unprecedented time like this, solitude should be the aloness you choose and embrace, for great things may come out of solitude, out of being in a place where all is quiet except perhaps the beating of your heart.

At the time of writing, perhaps the Malaysian government is not as authoritative as those in some other countries that choose complete lockdown. We here are strongly urged to stay at home for the next few weeks. Although, with each passing day, the "strong" bit of that becomes increasingly emphasised.

Most work places have pretty much shut down their offices and we are all told to work from home, since 18 March , until further notice, I suppose. This is pretty much what most of the enterprises here are doing.

So we are all working from home here in Malaysia now; those of us who are able to, and who still have jobs.

My heart goes out to those working in gig economy, on zero-hour contracts, freelancers, and especially to those who are at the front serving the people, right from the healthcare workers and the police and army to the cleaners. And certainly, if this all goes on for long enough, more and more people will be affected.

This global pandemic thing fits well as a scenario that would make an interesting sci-fi, dystopian (or utopian for some). It feels like a naturalistic, universal, "reset"/"pause" button has been activated: and about time too... and hopefully many will take this time to reflect and revalue what life really means to us, and what life really is worthy of.

The shops do have several completely empty shelves. But by and large there are still food and supplies available. Just not as much as usual. I witness the empty streets in KL , and the weekend that’s just gone, and it felt surreal. Whilst not yet apocalyptic, the streets without hordes of people milling around certainly was rather strange.

I read, as I follow the progress of the situation, the several “clever” Malaysians passing remarks about what the government should and should not be doing. I read on social media, Facebook included, the some of us happily posting the food they cook and eat, the leisure time they are spending at home. And I thought to myself, the lucky ones are taking advantage of the situation at the expense of several others who have to fight tirelessly to ensure we continue living our comfortable lives. That too much self-centred attitude is not something that excites me.

The whole value of solitude may be a sanctuary or a prison, a heaven of repose or a place for punishment, as we ourselves make it.

And as I sit and hear the beating of my heart, I pray that in spite of everything, in spite of adversity and the bitter moments, again we shall rise.

Suara Kekasih 1986

The Octopus doesn't bite

My best friend informed me about checking out the Octopus at KLPac. It striked me that that must be something special about it. It was due to the fact that my best friend was never really into plays. So I had looked for more details about the Octopus in the newspapers and on the Internet. Immediately my instinct told me that it's what I would love.

Never did I realise that, after years of being a so-called writer, I have never watched a stage performance at KL Performing Arts Centre, aptly known as KL Pac. Yes, I have in the past watched some of The Actors Studio's production at their former venues, namely the ones at Dataran Merdeka, and another at Bangsar Shopping Centre.

So on the evening of Friday 17 Dec 2010, we found ourselves seated in the front row of Stage II, all anxious to feast all our senses possible on the Octopus that was to appear before our eyes.

And there was Will. The striking youth in him was undeniable beautiful. And as the Malik entered the scene and they began to converse with each other, I noticed the audience suddenly had their attention locked into the act. I was. I particularly adored their accent, especially Will's. I have always loved Queen's English.



(Will Quah - the object of desire in Octopus)

I waited for the Octopus to appear. There was none. Then I fell in love all over with the story. The Octopus, the sea monster was a metaphor. It was death, as it was life... and lust, as it was love... and fear, as it was bravery... and defeat, as it was victory.

And though the Octopus didn't bite, it had left me with a remarkable feeling at the end of it all, and touched me deep in that little corner of mine called 'heart'.

The Journey begins

(above - three of my actors in An Unanticipated Journey - Syaamil, Am and Haris)

Just like wind, the idea just came all at once. It was in 2008. I had wanted so much to try my hand at directing. So, I prepared a short script. A story told in actions, and not in words. The four characters in the story would not be talking, they would just be acting.

In December that year, I consulted my friend who's good in camera. Having done numerous videography and cinematography jobs, Malik seems the perfect choice for this small project of mine. I have known him since I was doing Scriptwriting course at FINAS in 2002. He was a classmate.

To play the characters, I had four youngsters who lived in my neighbourhood. Three of them are brothers, while the other one is a friend of theirs. Without dialogues, it was easier for them to act despite having zero acting experience.

It was really a sole project. I did basically everything - props, and everything else, except being the cameraman and the actors.

In one full day, we completed shooting. Tired but satisfied.
And that was something I never really expected of doing. It was more of an impulse. Thus, I name the film "AN UNANTICIPATED JOURNEY".

I do not know what else lies ahead of my journey. What I know is, there may be some I'd well anticipated, and some unanticipated. Regardless, I'd go through it with positivity, confidence and determination.